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Jane Austen abounds with some very tender friendships - but they are almost always romances-waiting-to-happen. And in Remains of the Day, Stephens and Miss Kent share a lovely friendship - but it’s only because the romantic longing goes only one way. I’ve asked a number of friends to come up with examples of cross-gender friendships in film and fiction, and boy, are the pickings slim. But they are not “friends with (the possibility of) benefits” or “romances in limbo,” any more than my wife is a “main squeeze with equity.”
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(The “best man” at my wedding was in fact a woman, my longtime friend Dawn Hawk.) Yes, there’s an element of flirtation about many of these friendships, and every peck on the cheek provides a whiff of perfume, the brush of skin against skin, a hint of la difference. My life would be severely impoverished without my women friends. Are straight men and women really incapable of it? Some philosophers, Plato among them, considered friendship to be the ultimate human bond - it is chosen freely, is sustained only through mutual consent, and is often based on genuine affinities unadulterated by family obligation or sexual desire. All they’re discussing is terms.”Īnd yet this seems a great loss. The great Stella Adler, in a drama workshop I attended in my twenties, chastened two students who were tiptoeing through a courtship scene: “Every time a man and a woman are on stage they are totally in love. The frisson of romance, if not rampant sexual tension, routinely bristles between a man and a woman in a story.
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And though TV has tended to a bit more generous, it invariably caves to the presumed audience desire to have the characters “get together.” ( Friends, perhaps the most inaptly named program in the history of broadcasting, was nothing but a prolonged romantic comedy where true friendship was just a kind of waiting room between hookups.) Why is this seemingly ubiquitous aspect of modern life so absent from films and novels?Īnd yet, you’d hardly know such a thing is possible from what one finds in the pages of books and on film screens. I bet if we poll those reading this blog, we’ll learn of dozens if not hundreds of such friendships. The writing community in particular, to name just one, is rife with cross-gender friendships.
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Now wait – I hear you say – I know a great many male-female friendships, and my own life is full of them. I speak, of course, about Platonic friendship between heterosexual men and women. I want to write today about a topic so unthinkably scandalous, so perniciously wrong, so beyond the pale of human understanding that, for whatever reason, writers avoid it at all costs in their stories, novels, and scripts.